MUZAK

The rain sounded like muzak to Jon, as the fat drops hit the ground, against him, as he squatted next to Anna’s grave. Jon wasn’t sure if it was just his legs that had finally gave out or that the grief he felt every time he was here take over as he fell to his knees. Did matter? The answer was simple enough. And it was no.

Nobody understood why he still came here as much as he did. Anna having been gone over a year now. At first all of Jon’s friends were touched by his devotion to his late wife. But as the days and weeks and months passed by they failed to understand, thought it was unhealthy for him to keep going there -almost everyday. They tried to intervene, his friends. An intervention if you must. But when that failed Jon’s friends started to fall to the way side. Slowly at first, but once the first few were gone it was like a wave. All of them slipping away out to the proverbial see that was and is humanity.

But what Jon’s friends failed to understand was how much he had lost. It wasn’t just a wife but more of a wife, a lover, a best friend, and companion. Some one that was there when he went to bed and was there when he awoke. His life force.

The rain fell harder. Rolled off Anna’s head stone in little streams, plastered Jon’s hair to his head like some strange matted head dress. But he failed to see any of it; failed to feel any of it. All that was there was grief.

Tears filled Jon’s eyes again, as they did a hundred times a day. But like Anna, are lost when they start to flow down his cheeks. The rain, like life did with Anna, gobbling them up, erasing them from the world.

Jon took a deep breath that came out a loud sob as he sat up straight with as if he had a sense of urgency. Took another deep breath. And reached into his coat pocket.

The small, silver plated revolver (the same one that he bought Anna for protection when he was away. The same one that she took her life with) felt odd in his hand; felt heavy. The last time he had it in his hand was the day he bought it. The last time Jon had actually laid his eyes in it before today was when Carl had put it in the shoe box where he and Anna had kept it back in the closet where it stayed these long months. Jon had almost forgotten about it until he chanced by it. Deciding that maybe it was time to take his friends’ advice. To maybe start to move on. But as he was cleaning out the closet he shared with Anna of her clothes, fate had brought it all back.

Jon saw it as a sign.

The hammer clicked as it locked in place and Jon slowly brought it to bare at the side of his head.

A muffled POP rang out.

Becoming one with the surrounding muzak of life.
 

COPYRIGHTED: PAUL DABROWSKI 2012