Are We Becoming an Overly Pop-Cultured Trash-bag Nation?

Yes I know, America has been obsessed with pop culture for ages. But lately it seems that we are taking the absolute worst pop culture has to offer and running away with it; Big Corporations taking it over and shoving endless things of pop culture shit down all our throats and having us think that this is what we need and have to have because it is “COOL”. And I know that is what big Business has been doing since the advent of the printing press.

But as I looked through today’s (05-13-12) sales papers, always on the look out myself for needless things I think that I should buy, I came across an add that is so vile, so needless that I have to rant.

While reality bullshit has been crossing over for a few years now, like with the Kardashian’s supposedly being fashion icons with their shitty clothing line that Sears is pawning off of on teens that don’t have a clue of what fashion is because their interpretation of fashion comes from that crap ass Kardashian TV show and other brain dead product placement shows like it that seem to ply the airwaves, however, while the Kardashians are actual people -stupid retarded people, they are still people. Now enter American Idol. That faceless bastion of asshole that plagues our television sets for far too long with their so called amateur singing contest, even though, it is pretty much fixed from the start because you can be a failed signer and still have a chance to be on the show, and the show’s producers already have it in mind what they want to put forth and make a star. These fucks have now come out with their own brand of clothing brought to you by TRAGET STORES. Awesome.

Now I can see if you are a designer on how you’d want contestants wearing your clothing the same way these artists all want to have a guest shot on performing because it’ll increase your sales. But what the fuck. Now these douche bags, while molding shit out of music and have your teens think how they want it, now have a new outlet of trash that, in truth, know nothing about other than they know that since their fucking name is on it stupidity will run out and buy it.

But who is to blame fro this? American Idol and other reality crap? Or is it us as the consumer?

I think the answer is two fold and both are to blame. If we as people are dumb enough to buy this crap then I guess they should be suave enough to give the idiots what they want. Because we seem to have raised a generation that is obsessed with pop culture -no matter what it is or how fucking dumb- and we no one to blame but our parents that helped start the idiocy process going.

So don’t feel bad when your idiot teen wants to be the next Snookie, auditioning for the latest fuck-head reality show where you can watch them drink themselves stupid, spread their legs for everything, and maybe make the next season on “16 and Pregnant” all the while wearing their brand new American Idol clothing.

Keep up the good work since channels like MTV (who no longer show any music videos in lo for reality television), BRAVO, and E who only do reality crap and the all the Nation channels who have reality shit in their rotations are always on the look out for new stupid individuals who are willing to what ever it takes for their 15 minutes.

The Back Room Deals and Cutting Room Feels of American Idol and Shows Like It

It case you didn’t know, care, or just live under a fucking rock, the one Simon Cowell has a book out. Not by him of course, but about him. The supposed unauthorized biography entitled: “Sweet Revenge” details and entails the lavish lifestyle of the man America (and Britain to an extent) loves to hate. But, not really. For those who have watched and still watch that bastion of crap, you remember then that he made the show with his overly critical comments that left many in tears and, or, angry. Now, however, with his departure from Idol the show has taken on a more friendly feel with Steven Tyler and Jlo, along with lone hold-out Randy Jackson.

While the book centers around Cowell it does, nevertheless, delve into the inner workings of the music industry, and, namely American Idol.

It has always been a long stranding rumor of what actually goes on behind the magic curtain; off camera American Idol. First, they don’t always pick the best singers to even make it as far as the TV judges. The filtering process is about, to even get the coveted television cameras, is about as believable as, say, flying pigs.

Like moths drawn to a flame, so are hopeful wannabes drawn to FAME. Their hopes and dreams are front and center to be played out on camera. The bigger the SOB the more airtime, whether you can sing or not. Because in reality TV that is what they want. Not talent. They want the ratings. So that means SOB stories and people that really CAN NOT sing. It was also well-publicized that the judges do not actually show up until months later, after that selection process. With talent scouts and producers screening the big crowds in groups, then the executive producers audition a smaller group, and then they select a group of 100 or so people to be judged. So when you see Ryan Seacrest in all his fucking glory standing in front huge crowds its all bullshit; the magic that is television. But you knew that already, didn’t you.

After all the nonsense of the auditions and the specials on the people we didn’t see good or bad, the contestants are finally chosen, place upon the big stage: lights camera, action. Producers shining the light called fame in the eyes that have made thus far, dangling it in front of the finalists like a drug, getting them even more hooked. That’s where the real predators come out (back stage), agents setting their eyes on the finalists with promises of more of the drug they crave, but like all good drug dealers it comes with a price to the junky. That price? Well, it has been reported to be at least 20% of earnings for the next 12 years. Yeah, that’s right. Before you even have the chance to make money on YOUR talent you have to give up a nice chunk of it some else. If it was me, and I had their needle in my arm and willing to give up my soul for the chance, you better believe that I wouldn’t be on the local FEED & SEED tour, playing county fairs opening for acts like STYX or FOREIGNER. But in the end that is where most of them end up. How many actual winners do we see? (Two?) Compared to how many non-winners that seem to have a bigger draw and some kind of career (can we say Jennifer Hudson). Whatever happen to Ruben Studdard, Fantasia, Taylor Hicks? Just to name a couple.

Besides the lucky few that are able to stand out, the rest toil along in the shit of promises until they are discarded like trash. Hell, that’s the business and the business is cruel. And if you can’t hack that part of it don’t be in the game. But they don’t show that part on IDOL. Not even close. They [producers of the show] act like they care, like they have morals by throwing out people that seem buck against the rules. “See? See how we got ride of that person with a (insert problem here)?” Like they didn’t know in the first place. Another ratings scam perpetrated upon the fools that watch. Fools that, I’m sure, will be standing in line ready to drink the KOOL-Aid.

So if you are staking a claim on the RIVER OF FAME, getting ready for that fix that will take you to the promise land on one of those awesome shows that networks are shoving down our throats (AMERICAN IDOL, THE VOICE, AMERICA’S GOT TALENT), stop and think where when some asshole dangles the needle in front of your eye with hollow promises of FAME and FORTUNE “Just for a small price.”     

I Want to Punch Gordon Ramasy Part Duex

A while back I wrote a blog entitled: “I Want to Punch Gordon Ramsay” and I talked about how he has a bad case of Ryan Seacrestitis, meaning that at the end any of his show’s seasons it basically… goes… like… this… and… it seems… that… Ramsay… likes to… drag… out… who the… winner… is. Right up to the point that it makes William Shatner seem like a fucking Shakespearian actor.

While Ramsay and just about everyone on TV reality game shows lately do this now, but this isn’t why I want to punch this time around. No. Not all.

Now let me make this clear. I like Gordon Ramsay and I am a big fan of his BBC show the “F-Word”. But the problem I have now, however, and makes me just want to throw my television is the drama bullshit, and not the good drama, that has bee added in the form of a fucking SOB STORY!

All last season during for “Kitchen Nightmares” there was a sob story that took over the entire format. No longer did we have Ramsay going through the kitchen and finding things that would make a billy goat puke, tearing into the owners for there disgusting lack of sanitation to go along with the shitty food and service that they tried to pawn upon the public. All of it replaced on how the families that own these restaurants need to be saved.

Really? What the fuck is that about? I don’t care about the inner workings of the families. You have problems, go on fucking Maury. And “Kitchen Nightmares” isn’t the only Ramsay show that has done this. His other unstomachable show, “MasterChef” seems to put forth the SOB STORY during the selection process. And I have to point out that Ramsay shows aren’t the only programming taking part. Again the blame has to fall upon “American Idol”. They love put on the SOB, to make us feel something about the contestants. Here is the problem: I don’t care. When I am watching a cooking show I don’t care about what they do outside the kitchen. I am there for the fucking COOKING! Same goes to the “American Idol” or shows like “Survivor” and the like (while I haven’t watched these shows in quite a while but I still catch them here and there). Take “Dancing With the Stars” another show that I will NEVER watch, but I know about it because my mother and grandmother both watch, and they had an episode recently where the producers were bringing out the SOB STORY, trying to pull at the heart strings. Why? I though the show was about hack celebs that were trying to dance?

And Now we have Good-Old-Gordon doing a new show here in America where he goes to, wait for it, goes to… (Like how I try to keep the suspense going by dragging it along)… goes to… (insert commercial here… lol)… goes to motels and bed & breakfast’s to try to help make them over. Someone should step in and remind good old Gordy that he is a fucking CHEF.

Please, Gordon, just stop with the stupid shit. I swear, if you bring out the SOB for the next season for “Hell’s Kitchen” I will no longer watch anything that you are in or produce. It’s bad enough that every season for “Hell’s” is always Guys vs. Women.

A Little 2012 Poster I Put Togther

From “ROCK OF AGES” to “ROCK-N-ROLL FANTASY CAMP”. WTF? Why Don’t You Call Yourself Homer and Grab a Doughnut Already.

I was in a half of a Sunday morning coma, trolling through the Sunday Chicago’s Tribune, and I was like: “What the fuck?”. Wrapped around said paper was a full page ad for something that was supposed to be: “A Heck Of A Good Time!”, stated by the Trib’s own Jimmy Olsen for good times, a one Chris Jones (who ever that is).

“ROCK OF AGES”. A tour of 30 classic hair banging hits from that grand decade of decadence the 1980s -Or should I say late 80s, early 90s- brought to you by ‘Broadway in Chicago’. Note to them: Stop bringing me things. What happened to when the term ‘BROADWAY’ meant real plays and shit.

Now what really me going was not (not quite anyway) the fact that Dean Richards of WGN TV/Radio said that “It’s fun to see a theater filled with graying, balding middle-aged people singing along, transported back to their stoned washed, wine cooler sipping days of big hair and bigger shoulder pads.”

Close, but no. It was the fact that the headliner of this piece of shit was “American Idol” loser, Constantine Maroulis. Who’s that you ask? It doen’t matter. Just know that he’s now probably kicking himself that Aerosmith front man, Steven Tyler, is now on the show.

Okay, to address that ridiculous statement by the Deaner: A) As of writing this, I’m 39 years old -lived through that whole scene- and I’m nowhere fucking near middle-age, thank you. B) I’m not grey, nor balding (At least not much anyway). C) I didn’t wear stone washed anything -now or then. D) And I sure as fuck didn’t have big hair, or sip wine coolers. I don’t know what Bitchfest you attended back then, Dearner, but that wasn’t my scene. Mine was: Jeans, leather, and real booze.

Now to address this moron, Constantine. How the hell is that a selling point? I mean really. About the only thing that attracts are the Cougars that need to re-live some bullshit…okay, I’m a fucking idiot and answered my own question. But from a guys point of view, they could care less. Really. Have you seen most of the 80s cover bands? Looking a little rough. And dudes show up. Mostly I think to hit on the chicks that go to shit like that. I’m still trying to figure out why younger people go to 80s cover bands, because most of that music, well, let’s just say it sucked.

Not only that, but this stupid ass thing is coming right on the heals of some other stupid ass thing, what Chicago DJ for the radio station, the LOOP, called: “The greatest time and thing you’ll ever do.” I mean, really. Fucking “ROCK-N-ROLL FANTASY CAMP” will be the greatest thing I’ll ever do. Wow. Just fucking kill me now. When I think ’Rock-n-Roll camp‘, I not only think has-been losers, but Homer Simpson as well. Remember that episode? And not just that,. No. I hear it’s going to be a new VH1 show. Yeah, really. That term just conjures up visions of hell on earth; assholes standing around trying to reclaim whatever. But I bet dumb asses will watch it. Oh, look. There’s Bret Michaels- with his fake hair- doing yet another stupid reality show.

Please, just get on with your life. All because you topped 40 doesn’t mean old and decrypted. Not in the least.

I miss the days when a so called mid-life crisis meant you went out bought either a sports car, or motorcycle; got divorced to date younger people, only to realize you made a huge mistake because you can’t keep up with them. Ah, yeah. The days.

Now stupid horse shit like this. Family friendly stuff. Just remember though. They tried to make Las Vegas Family friendly once. That worked out well. Didn’t it. Now it’s: “What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas“. Unless its: Marriage to someone you just met, pregnancy, or some sort of VD. That tends to follow you around.