I was in a half of a Sunday morning coma, trolling through the Sunday Chicago’s Tribune, and I was like: “What the fuck?”. Wrapped around said paper was a full page ad for something that was supposed to be: “A Heck Of A Good Time!”, stated by the Trib’s own Jimmy Olsen for good times, a one Chris Jones (who ever that is).
“ROCK OF AGES”. A tour of 30 classic hair banging hits from that grand decade of decadence the 1980s -Or should I say late 80s, early 90s- brought to you by ‘Broadway in Chicago’. Note to them: Stop bringing me things. What happened to when the term ‘BROADWAY’ meant real plays and shit.
Now what really me going was not (not quite anyway) the fact that Dean Richards of WGN TV/Radio said that “It’s fun to see a theater filled with graying, balding middle-aged people singing along, transported back to their stoned washed, wine cooler sipping days of big hair and bigger shoulder pads.”
Close, but no. It was the fact that the headliner of this piece of shit was “American Idol” loser, Constantine Maroulis. Who’s that you ask? It doen’t matter. Just know that he’s now probably kicking himself that Aerosmith front man, Steven Tyler, is now on the show.
Okay, to address that ridiculous statement by the Deaner: A) As of writing this, I’m 39 years old -lived through that whole scene- and I’m nowhere fucking near middle-age, thank you. B) I’m not grey, nor balding (At least not much anyway). C) I didn’t wear stone washed anything -now or then. D) And I sure as fuck didn’t have big hair, or sip wine coolers. I don’t know what Bitchfest you attended back then, Dearner, but that wasn’t my scene. Mine was: Jeans, leather, and real booze.
Now to address this moron, Constantine. How the hell is that a selling point? I mean really. About the only thing that attracts are the Cougars that need to re-live some bullshit…okay, I’m a fucking idiot and answered my own question. But from a guys point of view, they could care less. Really. Have you seen most of the 80s cover bands? Looking a little rough. And dudes show up. Mostly I think to hit on the chicks that go to shit like that. I’m still trying to figure out why younger people go to 80s cover bands, because most of that music, well, let’s just say it sucked.
Not only that, but this stupid ass thing is coming right on the heals of some other stupid ass thing, what Chicago DJ for the radio station, the LOOP, called: “The greatest time and thing you’ll ever do.” I mean, really. Fucking “ROCK-N-ROLL FANTASY CAMP” will be the greatest thing I’ll ever do. Wow. Just fucking kill me now. When I think ’Rock-n-Roll camp‘, I not only think has-been losers, but Homer Simpson as well. Remember that episode? And not just that,. No. I hear it’s going to be a new VH1 show. Yeah, really. That term just conjures up visions of hell on earth; assholes standing around trying to reclaim whatever. But I bet dumb asses will watch it. Oh, look. There’s Bret Michaels- with his fake hair- doing yet another stupid reality show.
Please, just get on with your life. All because you topped 40 doesn’t mean old and decrypted. Not in the least.
I miss the days when a so called mid-life crisis meant you went out bought either a sports car, or motorcycle; got divorced to date younger people, only to realize you made a huge mistake because you can’t keep up with them. Ah, yeah. The days.
Now stupid horse shit like this. Family friendly stuff. Just remember though. They tried to make Las Vegas Family friendly once. That worked out well. Didn’t it. Now it’s: “What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas“. Unless its: Marriage to someone you just met, pregnancy, or some sort of VD. That tends to follow you around.
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