Generation F*cktard

Hunter S. Thompson proclaimed the 1980s to be the “Generation of Swine” assuming that the US social landscape was populated by greed and immortality of the obscene; Where Hunter Thompson saw “brainless freaks”, “money-sucking animals” and “greed crazed lunatics” this generation is made up of half-wits, inane no-doers; a generation that thinks that they are special for doing pretty much nothing. Just believing that since they are born they need to be followed. We have replaced our Hemingways, Brandos, and Einsteins with a new crop of “not-so-reality” stars the likes of which include Snookie, Jwow, and the Honey Boo-Boo clan. (And lets not forget Mtv’s new awesomeness of mental fucktards whose swimming hole is in the shadows of a nuclear power plant.) A generation shat forth from frothy vaginas of the swine that became over-barring soccer moms hell-bent on making sure that their crass little spawns did not have to do anything other than be famous. Because we all need to be famous, right? Never mind any of that being creative, or that of talent, or intelligence. No you just have to be able to video yourself doing the most moronic thing possible and not die, make funny monkey noises as you roll around drunk on the floor, or, hell, just make a sex tape with someone sort of kind of famous. Then sell it to TMZ and E!. The latter of which will more than likely give you your own television show. If not then there is always Mtv.

So it sort of surprised me that when El President-aye Obama, in his Inauguration Speech, said that this was this generation’s task to carry on what the pioneers began. Really, President Obama? Have you not laid eyes on the so-called role models that plague this generation? I know you are not that secular of a person, hidden away and only surrounded by cherry picked people. Hell, some of these idiots where actually part of your campaign.

I am not saying that this entire generation is completely made of up brainless retarded zombies. Not at all. I know that there are plenty of people that are talented, and creative, and smart. While some do break out from under the pile of shit of society’s fucktarded, we do not like to prop up most of them. As it is much easier to sit back and watch the carousel of clusterfuck that is “The Real Housewives of Whatever”, “Dance Moms”, and the ever awesome “Bad Girls Club”. Just to name a few.

The Kardashians: Sex Tapes & Wannabe Fame Whores… They Can’t Really Be That Sick, Can They?

Things seem to be heating up in the Ol’Kardashian household because ex-hubby Kris Humphries seems to be telling a tale that isn’t pleasant for the Kardashian clans’ ears. Especially Mom’s.

Turns out that Kim’s ex Kris Humphries is saying that -through the only way anyone seems to speak now-a-days (texting, Twitter, and emails)- that Mom Of The Year Kris Jenner, so desperate to be a fame whore, talked her daughter Kim into making a sex tape with then boy toy Ray J. Then after she viewed it [Kris Jenner] told her daughter to do another one because she didn’t look pretty enough the first go around.

Wild claims to be assured but do they have a ring of truth?

According to Los Angeles attorney Mychal Wilson that it appears that both Kim and Ray J consented to making the tape. “Clearly, they both are aware of the taping as they [both] are mugging for the camera. Additionally, both parties would have consented to signing on the distribution deal with Vivid Entertainment. The most likely scenario is that they both decided to leak the tape. Let’s just say, if Ray J had gone behind Kim’s back and tried to sell the tape, Kim could have easily called on her lawyers to stop that tape from being shown to the public”

How very true.

Attorney Larry Zerner also points out that people -including idiots like the Kardashians- have a general right to privacy… “is recognized under the U.S. Constitution and the California Constitution. That right to privacy includes the right not to have private sex tapes shown to the public without consent. So releasing a sex tape without consent would violate this right.”

Larry also adds, “I am aware of cases where sex tapes were released even though neither party agreed. But the celebrity always has the right to have that footage withdrawn if they want.”

But the biggest of all the crazy claims being unleashed by Humphries is the fact that [Kris] Jenner not only had her daughter make the tape but was a willing participant in the video taping of it.

So of course as soon as the sorry broke about the alleged back door dealings of the family, Chloe [Kardashian] took to her favorite mouth piece TMZ denying the rumors and saying, "That is just disgusting and disturbing, and probably HIS [Humphries] fantasy!"

The biggest problem people have with this story, as far as they can see it, is that there was no way [Kris] Jenner could have known Kim’s sex tape would turn out to be as huge as it was. Saying that while the Pamela Anderson/ Tommy Lee footage was a big deal, they were both big stars at that point. And Bruce [Jenner] was easily the most bankable name in the family when the clip was released, so any speculation about a reality show at the time would have been premature and unfounded.

However, we might want to look at the Paris Hilton tape. She was by far not a reality star and more of the party girl red carpet crowd. And her tape sold widely helping to carve out a fledging career as a wanna-be something.

Whatever the case. It seems that the divorce of Kim and Kris [Humphries] is getting -while sick, but sick is up my alley- rather interesting.

I might have to actually pay attention to them… lol

Until next time…

Are We Becoming an Overly Pop-Cultured Trash-bag Nation?

Yes I know, America has been obsessed with pop culture for ages. But lately it seems that we are taking the absolute worst pop culture has to offer and running away with it; Big Corporations taking it over and shoving endless things of pop culture shit down all our throats and having us think that this is what we need and have to have because it is “COOL”. And I know that is what big Business has been doing since the advent of the printing press.

But as I looked through today’s (05-13-12) sales papers, always on the look out myself for needless things I think that I should buy, I came across an add that is so vile, so needless that I have to rant.

While reality bullshit has been crossing over for a few years now, like with the Kardashian’s supposedly being fashion icons with their shitty clothing line that Sears is pawning off of on teens that don’t have a clue of what fashion is because their interpretation of fashion comes from that crap ass Kardashian TV show and other brain dead product placement shows like it that seem to ply the airwaves, however, while the Kardashians are actual people -stupid retarded people, they are still people. Now enter American Idol. That faceless bastion of asshole that plagues our television sets for far too long with their so called amateur singing contest, even though, it is pretty much fixed from the start because you can be a failed signer and still have a chance to be on the show, and the show’s producers already have it in mind what they want to put forth and make a star. These fucks have now come out with their own brand of clothing brought to you by TRAGET STORES. Awesome.

Now I can see if you are a designer on how you’d want contestants wearing your clothing the same way these artists all want to have a guest shot on performing because it’ll increase your sales. But what the fuck. Now these douche bags, while molding shit out of music and have your teens think how they want it, now have a new outlet of trash that, in truth, know nothing about other than they know that since their fucking name is on it stupidity will run out and buy it.

But who is to blame fro this? American Idol and other reality crap? Or is it us as the consumer?

I think the answer is two fold and both are to blame. If we as people are dumb enough to buy this crap then I guess they should be suave enough to give the idiots what they want. Because we seem to have raised a generation that is obsessed with pop culture -no matter what it is or how fucking dumb- and we no one to blame but our parents that helped start the idiocy process going.

So don’t feel bad when your idiot teen wants to be the next Snookie, auditioning for the latest fuck-head reality show where you can watch them drink themselves stupid, spread their legs for everything, and maybe make the next season on “16 and Pregnant” all the while wearing their brand new American Idol clothing.

Keep up the good work since channels like MTV (who no longer show any music videos in lo for reality television), BRAVO, and E who only do reality crap and the all the Nation channels who have reality shit in their rotations are always on the look out for new stupid individuals who are willing to what ever it takes for their 15 minutes.

Relationship Made in the Realms of Douche Baggery

If you haven’t heard, or cared, looks like reality star (and I say that as loosely as her… lol… well, you get the point) Kim Kardashian is once again in love and has a new bo in the likes of the king of all douche bags, Kanye West.

Reports say the douche-y couple were seen seeing the “Hunger Games” movie in The Big Apple and enjoying a quiet dinner together at Kim’s favorite eatery, Serafina.

As for poor Kris Humphries it seems that he doesn’t care who his soon to be ex is dating. Taking the same road NFL running back, Reggie Bush, and is trying to stay as far from her [Kim] as humanly possible. Stating when asked about what he thought of the newest douche-y power couple dating that he was completely indifferent and unfazed by who Kim was dating. Concentrating on his divorce being finalized. But that didn’t stop Kayne from being a douche and sending out a jab at the soon to be ex Mr. Kardashian, saying that he could call his pal, Jay-z and have him kicked off the Nets. Unfortunately for Kanye (he should probably check into whether his friend has that kind of clout) Jay-z has no say in any of the personal or the Nets’ roster. But hell, when did that ever stop Kanye from speaking out of his ass. The guy has made a career out it.

As for Kim, she has bigger problems on whether he ex cares or what new bo says, since she [Kim] has found herself directly in the crosshairs of PETA after her little run in with the group and the happy person that decided to douse her [Kim] with flower for her love of fur.

 

Maybe we’ll get lucky, since her [Kim] and Kayne both love to wear fur, that the two will get carpet bombed with something good.

Got Demon? Click Here... And Fuck Constantine and Call These Babes Instead

The thought that comes to mind when I think about exorcism is a creepy looking, head spinning, Linda Blair locked in her bedroom; Two Priests towering over her yelling the: “The Power of Christ Compels you! The Power of Christ Compels you!…” as Linda spews Pea Soup at them. The 1973 movie “The Exorcist” was supposedly based on a true story that took place in the 1940’s. Also what comes to mind when I talk about movies of that ilk is Eli Roth’s “The Last Exorcism” where disillusioned evangelical minister, Cotton Marcus (Patrick Fabian), agrees to let a documentary film crew follow him as he performs an exorcism, because, frankly, they are fake. Meaning he is a fake and a fraud. The reason Marcus does this is because he learned of a story where a person who was being exorcized was killed during it (true case by the way). That in fact, many of the people who are thought to be possessed are in fact mentally disturbed, and Marcus wants to bring light to this growing phenomena and the dangers in can pose. But unlike “The Exorcist”, “The Last Exorcism” isn’t suppose to be based on anything. Or is it?





Insert a man named Bob Larson and his spirited band of teenage exorcists. Yeah, you read it right.



Now, Bob is the head of the Spiritual Freedom Church who have “churches” in several states and in 6 other countries, and a lot of what this “church” is about and deals with is exorcism. Right up to the point of actually opening a school to teach people to be, well, exorcists. Bob believes in the fact that at least half the world’s population is in deed possessed by demons (Isn‘t that what those crazy ass Scientology dudes say? Oh, wait. Those are Aliens). One of which would be the recent Jet Blue Pilot taken into custody because of his melt down. Bob is quoted on his OFFICIAL BLOG on the “church’s” website with the BLOG entitled: “YES EVEN CHRISTIANS CAN BE POSSESSED”



“…how demons manipulate even Christians. First, Jet Blue pilot Clayton Osbon had to be violently subdued after he went berserk and ran up and down the aisle of his airplane scream profanities about terrorists, Jesus Christ, and how the plane was going to crash. It was later revealed by those who knew him that he was a devout Christian.”

Now, here is the thing that we should take note of: whacko’s and confused people believe that they are or their loved one is possessed by a demon, in other words they are THE NOT SO CRAZY ONES. The fuckers you really have to worry about is when they say that they are possessed by the Devil himself. Those people fall into two groups: FUCKING INSANE and totally full of shit. Unlike the ones possessed by demons who are usually of sound mind, they‘re just fools. This fact is how people like Bob get around the idea that they are either complete nuts or just out for your cash. Oh, didn’t I tell you? Oh, yeah they charge. So if you are looking to have Bob’s version of “The Charlie’s Angels” sans Charlie come save your ass it’ll coast you. They also have a store just in case you are looking for that special gift for the person who just has everything. I bet you that motherfucker doesn’t have any Bob Larson swag!



A little background search on the man doing Jesus’ work and eliminating those pesky bastards of fire and brimstone tells me that good-old-boy Bob is the world’s foremost expert on cults, the occult, and supernatural phenomena. He has spoken in more than 100 countries and has appeared on TV shows such as Oprah, Donahue, Montel, Sally Jessie… yada yada yada. Yes he’s been on anything that is willing to put his face on the boob-tube. He got his foothold back in the “Satanic Panic” days of the 80’s where, like McCarthy saw commies behind every lamp post in the 50’s, Bob saw Satan and Satanists behind every Heavy Metal album cover. Bob has also had the privilege of writing a slew of books (31) that includes a 500-page handbook, “Larson’s Book of Spiritual Warfare” which is an encyclopedic reference about demons, the devil, and deliverance and represents a lifetime of research and experience. His latest book is entitled “Demon Proofing Prayers“. Bob has also been part radio for 20 years (TALK BACK) and delved into the reality TV market (Of course. Who isn’t nowadays) starring, of course him, with UK’s Virgin Media and Pilgrim Films. “The Real Exorcist” features two dramatic exorcism episodes per each one-hour show. It premiered in the U.S. on the Sci-Fi Channel in Fall 2008 and has since aired internationally.

However, here we now insert the graduates of Bob Larson’s school of exorcism (three of which are his daughters), Bob has new plans and a new venture in that market. But even though he doesn’t at the moment have a TV deal, yet ,for his little band of brainwashed babes never fear, Bob is not only working on that but has been taking the grads on trips to take on the Devil and his liege. For about 5 Ben Franklin’s a pop. That’s per demon by the way. Yeah that’s right, it ain’t cheap to beat the Dev.



At a time when most girls her age are goo-goo for “Twilight”, 17 year old Savannah is the leader of her band of demon slaying sister babes (Yes the group are all actually Bob‘s Daughters. Talk about a cool family business… lol). The Daughter of Bob thinks (and this might be hard for you Twihards to hear): “The Twilight films are instigators of evil," Savannah said in a recent interview with Fabulous magazine. "I'm much too busy fighting the devil." (Oh, that means you Harry Potter fans as well.) Daughter 2, Tess, 17, claims that her first fight for the soul was of a friend of hers. Saying that she could see it in her eyes. I guess one of the tell-tale signs that you might be possessed is eyes that dilate sporadically. (The thought that she (the friend) might actually be high probably never crossed her mind) Daughter 3, Brynne, 20, says that she has been involved since the ripe old age of 13. (Soccer? The only thing I want to kick around the field is the Devil’s head!)

These three Girlies have all makings for network TV: They’re are attractive. And with the ever growing popularity of supernatural shows invading real networks like the “Circle”, “Ghost Adventures”, “Vampire Diaries” and the like, be assured they’ll be joined by Bob and his angels fighting, not only for airtime, but the Devil and his crew on a television near you. So look out Snookie, they might be out to save… YOU!

Lamar Dropped by the Mavs

Lol… Here is something funny. Keeping in the vain of “reality television“, TMZ is reporting along with ESPN that hubby of Khloe Kardashian, Lamar Odom, has been dropped by the Dallas Mavericks down to their NBA D (development level) League the Texas Legends. However, he will still be paid his 8.9 million dollar salary -must be nice, right? to suck ass all season and still get paid that amount of cash.

This season has been the worst ever for the NBA player and has since struggled to find a rhythm since being traded to Dallas. But the trade hasn’t seemed cause him any problems when it comes to toting around with his wife and her television show. Maybe he should do less of that and more on the court. But hey, what the fuck do I know? He’s the one still getting a awesome pay check for sucking while I have to go out and earn pennies and cant ever get it wrong. But those are the brakes.

Maybe a Wildman is Exactly What Politics Needs Today

Well, it work Jesse Venutra in Minnesota so why not in Indiana. At least that is what “Survivor” alumni Rupert Boneham is hoping for. Turns out that the fan fav from the show will be running for governor for the great state of Indiana this November. Picking up the Libertarian Party nom today.

The 47 year old Boneham saying that he wants to take on the state’s political establishment because he feels that the voters deserve better than what they have now and that he is the best person to replace outgoing Republican Gov. Mitch Daniels who has reached his term limit. (Ah, term limits, now if the assholes in DC faired the same fate this country would be better off. But you know that is never going to happen. I’m surprised that the fools in Congress and the Senate actually thought it prudent to have limits on the Presidency.)

In a prepared statement made in the state’s capital, Indianapolis, Boneham said: "I have only one interest: Empowering Hoosiers to give back to their communities. If the government puts up roadblocks, then they should be repealed. Hoosiers have consistently voted in professional politicians and look at the results. Hoosiers should have a different choice in 2012."

Boneham has been a member of the Libertarian Party for nearly a year and is best known for his style of t-dyed shirts that he sported throughout both of his appearances of the reality television and that of his charity “Rupert’s Kids’ which he donated a portion of his winnings.

Even though he might be popular, Boneham will have an uphill battle for as it stands at the moment both GOP Rep. Mike Pence and former Democratic Indiana House Speaker John Gregg are the early favorites. But who knows, stranger things have happened in the arena of politics and if a former wrestler can win why can’t a reality TV star.

Good luck to ya Rupert.

From Jersey to Jersey Back to Jersey

What was I just saying yesterday about “Hollywood Speak”? Oh, yeah, that rest means rehab.

Seems like everyone’s not so favorite reality star Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino sort of kind of miss spoke when he said that wasn’t in rehab but somewhere undisclosed to get a much needed rest after his tough schedule of back to back seasons of the Shore and his umpteen appearances he seems to make. Where the hell these appearances take place and who the hell really wants to see this guy (or any of the Shore personnel) is beyond me. But hey, what the fuck do I know? Anyway, it so appears that The Situation is in fact in rehab (at the Cirque Lodge) for a, I quote here, “addiction to prescription meds.” What befuddles my mind is that if I was the one that was tired and beat up by the many things that I am doing why am I taking prescription meds? I would think I would need something that would keep me going so I could do all the things that I want to do. I don’t know about you, but prescription meds seem to slow me down and mellow me out. Now, I don’t dispel the notion that The Situation (or the Sitch to his budsters) has a substance problem with that particular drug but I think that there is more to it than that. As for the next season the Shore who knows what it’s going to look like. I mean the rumor mill has it that Mtv is already searching for a possible replacement for the much pregnant Snookie and now if the Sitch is on the mend from a drug problem would it be wise to put a person that is in a supposed recovery back in the same situation (lol… pun intended) that seems to have caused the problem in the first place? Only time will tell. I know I am at the edge of seat… NOT!



Anyhow, in other Jersey alum news, would you pay 50 bucks to join a site and then 15 a minute to talk to Jersey drop out Angelina Pivarnick? Thought not. But she turns out be one of the “A Listers” for a new 1-800 call thingy named Dial A Star. This site boosts the awesomeness of quality celebs such as Dina Lohan -you know her as mother of the fucking year. She comes in at 25 a minute. Her fantastic ex-hubby, Michael (surprise surprise) is also on this site. God forbid that Dina one ups him. However, dear old Michael only comes in at a cool 18 dollars a minute. Maybe next time, Mike, is the time that you might out do her. Doubt it though. Other notables include: Brace (Showtime’s “Gigolos”) for 20; Nadya Suleman ( Octomom) for 12; Danielle Staub (Real Housewives of New Jersey) at 18, I don’t know why anyone would want to talk to her but she is on there; and Tila Tequila for 20. Imagine what she’ll open up… lol… about that is. The list goes on but you can get most of those from the back of most porn mags and probably at a much reduced price.



And lastly, and by that I mean lastly, I happened upon another Mtv alum -they’re just coming out of the wood work today- in the form of has-been Pauly fucking Shore. You remember him, right? Thought not as well… lol… In case not, Pauly Shore was once an Mtv mainstay of the late 80’s early to mid 90’s celeb (I use that term for him loosely) who went by the persona “The Weasel”. In other words he is suppose to be a comedian, but unfortunately to be a comedian one has to be funny. Which he is not. Now with that said, some did find his antics funny for a time. Then again we have to remember this was the time of Pee Wee Herman (before the whole jerking off in the theater thing), and other annoying funny men. Regrettably, though, while he has aged his act has not. Hell, even Eddie Murphy changed his act somewhat, but for Pauly Shore he seems have caught Dice Clayitiss of never evolving. But if you want you can check out his new show on the CMT network (like Mtv but only country and, again, like Mtv doesn’t show videos in lieu of great reality programming and poorly made shows) you are more than welcome. He plays a mobster’s son from (where the fuck else) New Jersey who is in hiding from other mob families. Pauly stated that it is part Jersey Shore, part “Son in Law” (that would be a movie he filmed back in 1993. What did I say about evolving as a comedian?). However, I won’t be. What it’s called I can’t remember.



Well until next time, keep the booze cold and the hotties hot.

The Situation for the Situation is Rehab. Or in Hollywood Speak: "Rest"

I love “Hollywood Speak”. They’re not in rehab, they just have gone someplace for rest and relaxation. Or the story goes… lol… and the latest television star (I say that as loosely as I possible can) Mike “the Situation’ Sorrentino is saying. Well, at least through his rep.

I paraphrase: “The Situation isn’t in rehab for substance abuse. He has spent several weeks at an undisclosed location for much needed rest from his extensive production schedule.”

WHAT?! Extensive (and I’ve seen “grueling” as well) production schedule? What the fuck is it that you do? Oh, yeah, you are a “Reality Star”! Must be tough having a free trip to Italy (and Miami as well) and then having to live in a house that you don’t pay for. Oh, I’m sorry, you have to take the time out your day of going to the gym (but it seems that you have been doing that less and less) and bars every night picking up UGLY women by “working” at a t-shirt shop. Yeah, that sounds fucking tough. Try doing a real fucking job that you get to do 5 to 6 days a week, getting up at 5 am and really working from anywhere from 8 to 12 hours a day. Sorry if I seem a little NOT CARING. But I don’t care.

And how are we surprised that he might (if not all of them if we want to be truthful) have some kind of substance problem. As I stated before he only went out every night and drank. That will tax even the most professional drinker -me included. I wish that people would just fess up and say “Yes, I’m a (insert problem of choice) and I need help.” Or that you don’t need help. Fuck. I would have more respect for someone if they said that. Hell, I have a drinking problem, well, its not so much of a problem because I still do and get what needs to be done done. But I do drink more than the average bear. And if and when I ever have to do a stint in the old rehab (which I doubt because rehab is for quitters… lol) I’ll be more than happy to say that “yeah, I need time to get my head together.” Does that mean I’ll quit doing and living he way I do. NO. And I am more than happy to say that. Not that I think this fool will change his was either. He has a tough life to lead.

I truly hope that Mike “the Situation” doesn’t change his ways but goes right back to doing what he does best. Nothing but sponging off Mtv and his fifteen minutes of fame that he has stretched out way to long. I need some new train wrecks to follow. The ones I have now seem to be either dying off (Amy Whinehouse) or getting their shit together (Brittney Spears).

So I say party on Mike. My you crash and burn with great gusto and for the ages.

Until next time…