The thought that comes to mind when I think about exorcism is a creepy looking, head spinning, Linda Blair locked in her bedroom; Two Priests towering over her yelling the: “The Power of Christ Compels you! The Power of Christ Compels you!…” as Linda spews Pea Soup at them. The 1973 movie “The Exorcist” was supposedly based on a true story that took place in the 1940’s. Also what comes to mind when I talk about movies of that ilk is Eli Roth’s “The Last Exorcism” where disillusioned evangelical minister, Cotton Marcus (Patrick Fabian), agrees to let a documentary film crew follow him as he performs an exorcism, because, frankly, they are fake. Meaning he is a fake and a fraud. The reason Marcus does this is because he learned of a story where a person who was being exorcized was killed during it (true case by the way). That in fact, many of the people who are thought to be possessed are in fact mentally disturbed, and Marcus wants to bring light to this growing phenomena and the dangers in can pose. But unlike “The Exorcist”, “The Last Exorcism” isn’t suppose to be based on anything. Or is it?
Insert a man named Bob Larson and his spirited band of teenage exorcists. Yeah, you read it right.
Now, Bob is the head of the Spiritual Freedom Church who have “churches” in several states and in 6 other countries, and a lot of what this “church” is about and deals with is exorcism. Right up to the point of actually opening a school to teach people to be, well, exorcists. Bob believes in the fact that at least half the world’s population is in deed possessed by demons (Isn‘t that what those crazy ass Scientology dudes say? Oh, wait. Those are Aliens). One of which would be the recent Jet Blue Pilot taken into custody because of his melt down. Bob is quoted on his OFFICIAL BLOG on the “church’s” website with the BLOG entitled: “YES EVEN CHRISTIANS CAN BE POSSESSED”
“…how demons manipulate even Christians. First, Jet Blue pilot Clayton Osbon had to be violently subdued after he went berserk and ran up and down the aisle of his airplane scream profanities about terrorists, Jesus Christ, and how the plane was going to crash. It was later revealed by those who knew him that he was a devout Christian.”
Now, here is the thing that we should take note of: whacko’s and confused people believe that they are or their loved one is possessed by a demon, in other words they are THE NOT SO CRAZY ONES. The fuckers you really have to worry about is when they say that they are possessed by the Devil himself. Those people fall into two groups: FUCKING INSANE and totally full of shit. Unlike the ones possessed by demons who are usually of sound mind, they‘re just fools. This fact is how people like Bob get around the idea that they are either complete nuts or just out for your cash. Oh, didn’t I tell you? Oh, yeah they charge. So if you are looking to have Bob’s version of “The Charlie’s Angels” sans Charlie come save your ass it’ll coast you. They also have a store just in case you are looking for that special gift for the person who just has everything. I bet you that motherfucker doesn’t have any Bob Larson swag!
A little background search on the man doing Jesus’ work and eliminating those pesky bastards of fire and brimstone tells me that good-old-boy Bob is the world’s foremost expert on cults, the occult, and supernatural phenomena. He has spoken in more than 100 countries and has appeared on TV shows such as Oprah, Donahue, Montel, Sally Jessie… yada yada yada. Yes he’s been on anything that is willing to put his face on the boob-tube. He got his foothold back in the “Satanic Panic” days of the 80’s where, like McCarthy saw commies behind every lamp post in the 50’s, Bob saw Satan and Satanists behind every Heavy Metal album cover. Bob has also had the privilege of writing a slew of books (31) that includes a 500-page handbook, “Larson’s Book of Spiritual Warfare” which is an encyclopedic reference about demons, the devil, and deliverance and represents a lifetime of research and experience. His latest book is entitled “Demon Proofing Prayers“. Bob has also been part radio for 20 years (TALK BACK) and delved into the reality TV market (Of course. Who isn’t nowadays) starring, of course him, with UK’s Virgin Media and Pilgrim Films. “The Real Exorcist” features two dramatic exorcism episodes per each one-hour show. It premiered in the U.S. on the Sci-Fi Channel in Fall 2008 and has since aired internationally.
However, here we now insert the graduates of Bob Larson’s school of exorcism (three of which are his daughters), Bob has new plans and a new venture in that market. But even though he doesn’t at the moment have a TV deal, yet ,for his little band of brainwashed babes never fear, Bob is not only working on that but has been taking the grads on trips to take on the Devil and his liege. For about 5 Ben Franklin’s a pop. That’s per demon by the way. Yeah that’s right, it ain’t cheap to beat the Dev.
At a time when most girls her age are goo-goo for “Twilight”, 17 year old Savannah is the leader of her band of demon slaying sister babes (Yes the group are all actually Bob‘s Daughters. Talk about a cool family business… lol). The Daughter of Bob thinks (and this might be hard for you Twihards to hear): “The Twilight films are instigators of evil," Savannah said in a recent interview with Fabulous magazine. "I'm much too busy fighting the devil." (Oh, that means you Harry Potter fans as well.) Daughter 2, Tess, 17, claims that her first fight for the soul was of a friend of hers. Saying that she could see it in her eyes. I guess one of the tell-tale signs that you might be possessed is eyes that dilate sporadically. (The thought that she (the friend) might actually be high probably never crossed her mind) Daughter 3, Brynne, 20, says that she has been involved since the ripe old age of 13. (Soccer? The only thing I want to kick around the field is the Devil’s head!)
These three Girlies have all makings for network TV: They’re are attractive. And with the ever growing popularity of supernatural shows invading real networks like the “Circle”, “Ghost Adventures”, “Vampire Diaries” and the like, be assured they’ll be joined by Bob and his angels fighting, not only for airtime, but the Devil and his crew on a television near you. So look out Snookie, they might be out to save… YOU!
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