Monday, April 16, 2012

In Today‘s, April 16th, 2012, Fucked Up News Category.

Illinois Authorities say that a ‘Killer’ Swan is still on the loose and should be considered dangerous. Yeah, you read me right. A killer swan.

No, I am not talking about the movie the “Black Swan” or some asshole dressed in a swan like outfit, I am talking a real, seemingly placid demeanor fucking feathered bird.

Chicago Sun-Times is reporting that investigators for the Cook County sheriff department are investigating the death of a one Anthony Hensley, a 37 year-old father of two, that drown while kayaking in a Des Plains area pond. Hensley, who either got too close to the swan or the swan’s nesting area appears to have been chased and then rolled out of his kayak and into the water. All the while the swan kept up its relentless attack. The swan then continued to pursue Hensley while he tried to swim to shore. Hensley was submerged when emergency responders arrived, and an autopsy found that he died from drowning near the Bay Colony condominiums in unincorporated Des Plaines, Il. Grief-stricken family memebers are still struggling to take it all in. Like most, they can not understand how Hensley was unable to beat off the swan.

The are no immediate details on the whereabouts of the swan that attacked Hensley, or its fate. And should be presumed dangerous Depending upon their size and breed, swans can be quite large with some standing 4 feet tall, weighing about 30 pounds and boasting a wing span of up to 8 feet wide. So approach at your own risk

Also in the fucked up category, looks like porn star Sledge Hammer will hammer no more.

Marland Anderson, who is better known as Sledge Hammer on screen died Friday five days after being tazed by Los Angeles police officers while responding to an apparent suicide attempt.

The girlfriend of [Marland] Anderson told officers Anderson tried to hurt himself with a knife and that she pried it away from him. Anderson then became violent with paramedics and was then handcuffed to a gurney by police for transportation in an ambulance. However, once inside the ambulance, Anderson tried to stand up, but acted with such force that he broke the gurney free from a floor lock and broke the handcuff.

To restrain Anderson, an officer then used a Taser but it failed to stop the agitated actor, and it took several officers to eventually managed to restrain Anderson. He was then taken to a hospital, where he died Friday morning.

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