Tales From the Wal-Mart Chronicles

Ah, parenting. The blessed thing that usually comes with life. But, regreatably, most people that are parents shouldn't be.

Case in point:

I am (as I write this, yes I am at the moment blogging from my phone) at Wal-Mart, the greatest store on Earth, or happy town as I like to call it, so here I am perusing the movie section, minding my own buisness when I over hear this family also looking over the movies (mom, dad, teenage son I'm guessing 14, daughter 10) looking for something for the daughter when I hear the mom say: "what about this one: "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo"?" And I'm like REALLY?! Has this dumb bitch not heard of the things that take place in said film. Now, mind you, I really enjoyed the Dragon Tattoo. But I'm 41. Then again why should I be surprised that this woman is suggesting this film. She probably heard the name during oscar season and since it was on the award show then it must be okay, right? Now, before anyone gets all upity about it's tough being a parent these days and people can't be on top of everything the teenage asks if he can buy a movie if he pays her back when they get home.

"What movie?" Mom asks.

The son puts his hand of the cover of "Jackass the Movie 3". Unfortunately that is about as far as he gets.

"Oh, No! I don't think so!"

"But why, Mom?"

"Because I don't like those movies and I'm not spending my money on that crap! That's why!"

"But its not your money. I'll pay you back when we get home. I promise!"

Mom lets out a hefty sigh from her sizable frame. "Fine! But you better. I don't want to hear that you don't have enough."

"Yeah, I got it. Really."

"Alright. But you can't play it when I'm home. I don't even want to see it. You hear me me? Or I'm throwing it away."

"You're not going to see it. Its not even going to leave my room..."

I have to walk away now. They're giving me a headache. I find it funny how it was A-Okay for the daughter to even concider "Dragon Tattoo" with its lovely scene of rape and how bathroom humor isn't so much the case for the son. I bet Christmas is a riot at their place.

Even though this group is rather pathetic it pales in comparission to the asshole in the parking lot on the way in.

As I walked through the throng of cars parked haphazardly about I could hear this guy yelling at his baby about do something and you could tell that he was getting angrier that the baby wasn't responding. Now here is a case where TV isn't the same as life.

I so wanted to walk over and say: "Yes I know that you see a baby around the same age that talks, uses the computer, and plays the stock market. But that is TV. No matter how hard you try your baby will never be that way."

Ah, the scenes of idiocy that one can see in a Wal-Mart..

Ted Nugent and his Problems with, Well, Blacks

I think it might be high time that Ted Nugent covers the Britney Spears song “Opps I Did It Again” because the Nuge has found himself once again in hot water with a government agency.

Just a week since Nugent showed how much love he has for our first Black president (No Love for Obama by the Nuge as Secret Service Looks into Comments, 04/18/2012) he [Nugent] has found another problem with blacks, only this time with a black bear.

The 63 year-old rocker and conservative activist pleaded guilty Tuesday for a misdemeanor via telephone in the United States District Court in Ketchikan, Alaska for violating the environmental protection law, namely The Lacey Act, for failure to track down and kill a black bear he shot and wounded with a bow and arrow three years ago while filming his reality TV show, “Ted Nugent: Spirit of the Wild”.

Under his plea deal, the Nuge has to pay a $10,000 fine and is barred from hunting in the state of Alaska or any other National Forest for a year along with a two year probation. He will also have to film a public service announcement about responsible hunting practices and pay an additional $600 in restitution to the state.

Nugent apologized for the incident in an audio recording played to Anchorage Daily. In the recording he [Nugent] also states: “I cherish my hunting time and relationships with the people and the wildlife of Alaska. I‘m afraid I was blindsided by this…”

I guess the government had to find some cause to fine Nugent, especially after his inflammatory comments made at a NRA convention where afterwards he was question by Secret Service. And since there were no grounds for anything criminal he has now been deemed one in his chosen love of hunting.

How About a Little Jack There to Sanitize Those Hands

Leave it to the California teens to think of this: Distilling hand sanitizer to get the alcohol out of the gel.

Turns out the stuff we use to sanitize our hands from the filth that seems to be coated on everything we touch (never mind all that shit builds up our immune system) contains enough alcohol as a bottle of top shelf booze. 120 proof actually.

But teens being teens, while taking a cue from the science class that is “Breaking Bad” (or M*A*S*H, depending on your age), while smart enough to figure out how to take the gel and just leave the alcohol, don’t have the common sense to NOT over indulge. Associated Press is reporting that at least six teens have shown up in San Fernando Valley area ER’s in the past couple of months due to alcohol poisoning from drinking distilled hand sanitizer.

You know what this means, right? This means, since we live in the age of “save the children”, we are more than likely going to see hand sanitizer yanked from the shelves and either we are going to have to show an ID (like with spray paint) and they [the government] will want to it put behind the counter ie: the pharmacy.

Like cough syrup or bath salts, hand sanitizer looks to become the next cheap high for our teens. Cyrus Rangan, director of the toxicology bureau for the county public health department, states that: “All it takes is just a few swallows and you have a drunk teenager. There is no question that it is dangerous.”

But can we blame them looking for cheap ways to get wasted with the way we restrict every form of life lately? Heavens Forbid we actually let kids be kids and not sit on them every set of the way; telling them what to eat to watch to wear all the time, restricting growth and learning. No, lets not do any of that. Even though we all lived through it.

Whatever happen to the good-old-days of having to hang out in front of the liquor store asking people, in the hopes, of buying six or twelve packs?

That, and how long until networks like the Discovery Channel (with “MOONSHINERS” ) or A&E (“INTERVENTION”) pick up on this and glorifies it all for the bed dead society we are rapidly becoming.

The Back Room Deals and Cutting Room Feels of American Idol and Shows Like It

It case you didn’t know, care, or just live under a fucking rock, the one Simon Cowell has a book out. Not by him of course, but about him. The supposed unauthorized biography entitled: “Sweet Revenge” details and entails the lavish lifestyle of the man America (and Britain to an extent) loves to hate. But, not really. For those who have watched and still watch that bastion of crap, you remember then that he made the show with his overly critical comments that left many in tears and, or, angry. Now, however, with his departure from Idol the show has taken on a more friendly feel with Steven Tyler and Jlo, along with lone hold-out Randy Jackson.

While the book centers around Cowell it does, nevertheless, delve into the inner workings of the music industry, and, namely American Idol.

It has always been a long stranding rumor of what actually goes on behind the magic curtain; off camera American Idol. First, they don’t always pick the best singers to even make it as far as the TV judges. The filtering process is about, to even get the coveted television cameras, is about as believable as, say, flying pigs.

Like moths drawn to a flame, so are hopeful wannabes drawn to FAME. Their hopes and dreams are front and center to be played out on camera. The bigger the SOB the more airtime, whether you can sing or not. Because in reality TV that is what they want. Not talent. They want the ratings. So that means SOB stories and people that really CAN NOT sing. It was also well-publicized that the judges do not actually show up until months later, after that selection process. With talent scouts and producers screening the big crowds in groups, then the executive producers audition a smaller group, and then they select a group of 100 or so people to be judged. So when you see Ryan Seacrest in all his fucking glory standing in front huge crowds its all bullshit; the magic that is television. But you knew that already, didn’t you.

After all the nonsense of the auditions and the specials on the people we didn’t see good or bad, the contestants are finally chosen, place upon the big stage: lights camera, action. Producers shining the light called fame in the eyes that have made thus far, dangling it in front of the finalists like a drug, getting them even more hooked. That’s where the real predators come out (back stage), agents setting their eyes on the finalists with promises of more of the drug they crave, but like all good drug dealers it comes with a price to the junky. That price? Well, it has been reported to be at least 20% of earnings for the next 12 years. Yeah, that’s right. Before you even have the chance to make money on YOUR talent you have to give up a nice chunk of it some else. If it was me, and I had their needle in my arm and willing to give up my soul for the chance, you better believe that I wouldn’t be on the local FEED & SEED tour, playing county fairs opening for acts like STYX or FOREIGNER. But in the end that is where most of them end up. How many actual winners do we see? (Two?) Compared to how many non-winners that seem to have a bigger draw and some kind of career (can we say Jennifer Hudson). Whatever happen to Ruben Studdard, Fantasia, Taylor Hicks? Just to name a couple.

Besides the lucky few that are able to stand out, the rest toil along in the shit of promises until they are discarded like trash. Hell, that’s the business and the business is cruel. And if you can’t hack that part of it don’t be in the game. But they don’t show that part on IDOL. Not even close. They [producers of the show] act like they care, like they have morals by throwing out people that seem buck against the rules. “See? See how we got ride of that person with a (insert problem here)?” Like they didn’t know in the first place. Another ratings scam perpetrated upon the fools that watch. Fools that, I’m sure, will be standing in line ready to drink the KOOL-Aid.

So if you are staking a claim on the RIVER OF FAME, getting ready for that fix that will take you to the promise land on one of those awesome shows that networks are shoving down our throats (AMERICAN IDOL, THE VOICE, AMERICA’S GOT TALENT), stop and think where when some asshole dangles the needle in front of your eye with hollow promises of FAME and FORTUNE “Just for a small price.”     

A New Diamond For [Neil] Diamond

Holy shit! I actually thought the man was gay. And it turns out that I was so wrong on that account. But hell, it’s not the first time.

People Mag is reporting that 71 year-old, Neil Diamond has a new diamond of his own in the form of a wedding ring. That’s right, Diamond is pulling a Hugh [Hefner] and marrying someone who appears to be half his age, if at that.

This will be Neil’s third trip down the aisle of matrimony (Diamond‘s last marrage eneded in 1995 when he divorced, Marcia Murphey where she reportedly collected a cool $150 million). This time around it is to his manager, Katie McNeil (42). The two tied the proverbial knot on Saturday in LA in front of close friends and family. This is her [McNeil] first.

Neil Diamond is best known for his crooner songs with such hits as “Sweet Caroline”. The two met back in ’09 while Diamond was making the documentary “Neil Diamond: Hot August Night NYC” in which she [McNeil] was producing.

　

Diamond kicks off a tour June 1 in Sunrise, Fla.

No Love for the Pussy [Riot] in Mother Russia

Their tight, skimpy dresses clash with the brightly colored balaclavas that adorn their heads and mask their faces like armor as they charge head first into an arena where anything can and will happen. They see themselves as defenders and even, possibly, martyrs for their cause.

PUSSY RIOT may be an all female Russian punk rock band modeled after 90’s acts such as Bikini Kill and Riot Grrrl but their message is loud and clear. Pussy Riot takes to the cold Russian streets staging impromptu concerts on such subjects as the status of women in Russia and the importance of feminist discourse and a non-standard female image usually with politically loaded lyrics. And most recently they have set their angry eyes upon the recent election, namely their dislike of Prime Minister Vladimir Putin. Joining the growing protest of the fact that he [Putin] is once again re-elected to the top office of the country [Russia]. Staging a show at the at Russia Orthodox Church, The Cathedral of Christ the Savior, where the Maidens preformed a controversial punk prayer that contained lyrics saying “Holy Mother, Blessed Virgin” to “chase Putin out and mocks Patriarch Kirill, head of the Russian Orthodox Church back on February 21^st.

Alleged band members (the reason for the balaclavas is to keep their identities concealed for fear of prosecution) Maria Alekhina and Nadezhda Tolokonnikova were arrested on March 3^rd. Both women have denied being in the punk group or taking part in the performance. A third woman, Yekaterina Samutsevich, was arrested on March 15^th. All three women are facing up to seven years behind bars for the charge of Hooliganism. Police are saying that Tolokonnikova had committed an illegal act “in a cynical way in a holy place, setting herself against society.”

The arrests have set off protests around world including Australia and the United Kingdom, and just last Thursday some 20 protesters were detained when the Moscow court ruled that the women were to be held until their hearing which has now been pushed back until June 24^th of this year after the court had previously ordered the women held until April 24^th. Investigators arguing that Nadezhda Tolokonnikova, Maria Alekhina, and Yekaterina Samutsevich “could become the targets of criminal acts” if they were released. Investigators also saying that they needed more time to search for witnesses and other participants in the unauthorized concert. Tolokonnikova asked the court to be released do to that she has suffered head pain while in jail and has not been given access to medical care at the detention facility and wanted to obtain a diagnosis before the possibility of being subjected to prison time. Also she argued that her 4-year-old daughter was suffering psychologically because of their separation due to her arrest. Mark Feigin, Tolokonnikova’s lawyer presented statements at the hearing Thursday from federal human rights watchdog the Public Oversight Commission and from members of the Moscow police's public chamber requesting that Tolokonnikova be freed.

Hundreds of demonstrators and members of the media converged on the Tagansky Court building in Moscow ahead of the 3 p.m. hearing, brandishing signs and wearing a T-shirt with slogans expressing support for the group. The jailing of the purported Pussy Riot members, who see themselves as political prisoners, has provoked outrage among human rights defenders and opposition activists such as Amnesty International and have held rallies in recent weeks to protest the detentions.

Although, representatives of the Russian Orthodox Church have criticized the women and Pussy Riot's performance but have said they do not want them to receive prison time.

I Want to Punch Gordon Ramasy Part Duex

A while back I wrote a blog entitled: “I Want to Punch Gordon Ramsay” and I talked about how he has a bad case of Ryan Seacrestitis, meaning that at the end any of his show’s seasons it basically… goes… like… this… and… it seems… that… Ramsay… likes to… drag… out… who the… winner… is. Right up to the point that it makes William Shatner seem like a fucking Shakespearian actor.

While Ramsay and just about everyone on TV reality game shows lately do this now, but this isn’t why I want to punch this time around. No. Not all.

Now let me make this clear. I like Gordon Ramsay and I am a big fan of his BBC show the “F-Word”. But the problem I have now, however, and makes me just want to throw my television is the drama bullshit, and not the good drama, that has bee added in the form of a fucking SOB STORY!

All last season during for “Kitchen Nightmares” there was a sob story that took over the entire format. No longer did we have Ramsay going through the kitchen and finding things that would make a billy goat puke, tearing into the owners for there disgusting lack of sanitation to go along with the shitty food and service that they tried to pawn upon the public. All of it replaced on how the families that own these restaurants need to be saved.

Really? What the fuck is that about? I don’t care about the inner workings of the families. You have problems, go on fucking Maury. And “Kitchen Nightmares” isn’t the only Ramsay show that has done this. His other unstomachable show, “MasterChef” seems to put forth the SOB STORY during the selection process. And I have to point out that Ramsay shows aren’t the only programming taking part. Again the blame has to fall upon “American Idol”. They love put on the SOB, to make us feel something about the contestants. Here is the problem: I don’t care. When I am watching a cooking show I don’t care about what they do outside the kitchen. I am there for the fucking COOKING! Same goes to the “American Idol” or shows like “Survivor” and the like (while I haven’t watched these shows in quite a while but I still catch them here and there). Take “Dancing With the Stars” another show that I will NEVER watch, but I know about it because my mother and grandmother both watch, and they had an episode recently where the producers were bringing out the SOB STORY, trying to pull at the heart strings. Why? I though the show was about hack celebs that were trying to dance?

And Now we have Good-Old-Gordon doing a new show here in America where he goes to, wait for it, goes to… (Like how I try to keep the suspense going by dragging it along)… goes to… (insert commercial here… lol)… goes to motels and bed & breakfast’s to try to help make them over. Someone should step in and remind good old Gordy that he is a fucking CHEF.

Please, Gordon, just stop with the stupid shit. I swear, if you bring out the SOB for the next season for “Hell’s Kitchen” I will no longer watch anything that you are in or produce. It’s bad enough that every season for “Hell’s” is always Guys vs. Women.

Men at Work Alum, Greg Ham, Dead at 58

Like Farrah Fawcett was with the death of Michael Jackson no doubt that the Men At Work alum, Grag Ham’s death will be overshadowed by the death of Dick Clark.

The Australian 80’s pop musician [Ham] was found dead at his home in Melbourne Thursday. Police established a crime scene and called for their local crime investigation unit to attempt to determine the cause of death of the 58 year-old, Ham.

"There are a number of unexplained aspects to it which has caused our attendance here today,” Det. Senior Sergeant Shane O'Connell said of the death, “and we're assisting the local detectives to determine what has occurred."

Reports say Ham was allegedly home alone at the time of his and was discovered by two friends who went looking for him.

Ham played sax, keyboard and flute on the band’s [Men At Work] 80’s hits such as "Who Can It Be Now" and "Down Under."

No Love for Obama by the Nuge as Secret Service Looks into Comments

Looks like the Motor City Madman, Ted Nugent, is taking a page out of Ozzie Gilliun’s book by
sticking his foot in his mouth and I either expect
some kind of retraction or an explanation on Nugent’s recent comments about Obama and if he is re-elected to office in November. Stating that: “if Barack Obama becomes the president in November again, I will either be dead or in jail by this time next year.” The Nuge also claims that the Obama administration is about as "vile," "evil," and "America-hating one can get, and he [Nugent] has about the same love for the Democratic wing of the Supreme Court.

Oops. Probably not the wisest thing to say, especially about a sitting President. Because while we supposedly enjoy Freedom of Speech, however, there are some things people can’t say or imply when it comes to the big boy in charge. Namely you can not threaten to kill the President. Do I think that is what Nugent is doing with his remarks that he made at the NRA convention? No. I don’t think that at all. [Ted] Nugent is somewhat of a loudmouth and likes to say things to get a reaction which his getting in spades at the moment.



However, this little statement has put Presidential Candidate,
Mitt Romney, is the same precarious situation Obama has
recently found himself in with people associated with them
making wide and off the cuff remarks with Bill Maher echoing
earlier statements made by Democratic strategist Hilary Rosen's
 comments about Ann Romney being a stay-at-home mom and "never worked a day in her life“. Though Maher took it a step further saying that [Romney] can not relate to the woman who have to get up and leave the house for their job saying: "What she meant to say, I think, was that Ann Romney has never gotten her ass out of the house to work."

                                                               

Rosen has since apologized for her comments after taking a lot of flack from just about everywhere
 including the White House, whereas, we know Maher will stick to his guns about what he said even though there are calls for him and his SuperPac to return the million dollars they received from the Obama administration for the up coming election.

Who knows, maybe we’ll get lucky and someone will convince both Nugent and Maher to get in the ring and duke it out. Throw in same cash for the two and I think that they might consider it. But for now I guess we’ll just have to watch tweetal-dee and tweetal-dumb lash out verbally. Which is always fun as well.

"The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette" don’t like Black People

Holy shit, where is Kanye West when you need him to bust from the phone booth and defend the underprivileged? Why? I’ll tell you why.



Turns out that the ABC shows the "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette" don’t like black people.

TMZ is reporting that two African Americans will be filing suit against producers for the show. The two plaintiffs, Christopher Johnson, who is an all American football player, and Nathaniel Claybrooks supposedly went to a Nashville hotel to audition for the role of The Bachelor and upon their arrival were taken to the side of the room and left out of the "normal audition process.” Johnson even goes as far to claim that a producer said to him, "What are you doing here?" before being left out of the audition. And since neither was called back, they believe it was because of their race was the deciding factor.



The funny this is, is that I have heard this story before about a different show from a friend.

A friend of mine, who will remain nameless, told me just the other day that him and another friend of his were going to audition for (not the Bachelor) a new dating show being filmed and where told straight away that they didn’t fit the mold they were looking for. But, however, they were not denied from auditioning for the show but the producers were pretty up front that they were more than likely NOT going to be called back because the producers were unsure on how to market them.

Both Christopher Johnson and Nathaniel Claybrooks say that they will be filing a class action law suit in federal court as early as Wednesday (04/18/2012). ABC, Warner Horizon Television, Next Entertainment, NZK Productions and creator Mike Fleiss will be named in the suit and will not be getting any roses for it.

In the show’s defense (which in truth isn’t one), I am not really sure who the hell wants to be on any of this stupid ass shows to begin with and I am still wondering on who just is watching this crap of the crap that seems to be on television. Because other than E’s THE SOUP no one talks about any of this crap. Oh, wait. ACCESS HOLLYWOOD’s Billy Bush does. But THAT is a whole different matter.

The U.S. Government Fucking it’s Citizens Once Again

This is kind of an old story but it has come back to light with the Supreme Court handing a bullshit ruling.

While the population of the United States sits and waits for the Supreme Court to figure out a ruling on the legality of Obama-Care (there those praising the fact that they might actually over turn the law) but as we are lead a stray once again by the tips of preverbal nose we have the Supreme Court handing down a ruling that is completely Unconstitutional.

Arizona Rancher, Roger Barnett, has been stuck in legal limbo and at battle since 2004 by holding illegal (that’s the key word here: FUCKING ILLEGAL) immigrants at gun point (26 of them) until authorities arrived. However, according to the Mexican American Legal Defense Fund he had infringed upon their rights by doing so. Never mind that A) they are fucking illegal, B) Tresspassing upon the Barnett’s land, and C) there have been a rash of murders of AMERICANS by illegal’s that are crossing the border. But hey, never mind any and all of that. Who cares, right? But if you do something about it and on YOUR property, the same way you would if it was some cracked out asshole that was a U.S. citizen, to someone jag off that is sneaking across the border of YOUR country well now you are now just asking for trouble.

The Supreme Court has handed down a ruling for Barnett to pay some $80,000 dollars in restitution for violating the rights of 3 these assholes because of -get this: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Really? Are we fucking kidding? What about Barnett’s Stress Disorder of having to deal with illegal’s coming on his land or having to deal with his OWN country’s legal stupidity? Can he [Barnett] sue the government for allowing this to happen? No. You are shit of luck then. And never mind about the poor bastard last year killed while jet skiing on a lake that is on the U.S./Mexican border. Lets not even worry about that. Where are the rights for his widow?

I’m still trying to figure out how the hell they had a case because according to the U.S. law YOU give up your rights once you trespass on someone's property without permission, not to mention coming crossing the border, or should I say around the border.

It just goes to show that OUR government does NOT hold OUR best interests at heart. Not in any sense of the word. But god forbid we upset the Mexican government.

Tell you what. How about we AMERICANS sneak across the border and take over some town. How long before we are locked up by the Mexican police. And how long will we sit in a Mexican Jail cell waiting to either get deported or put on trail for illegally coming into their country. And how hard will OUR government fight to get us released and WHO on the Mexican side will fight for rights and OUR Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?

I’m thinking we are FUCKED across the board on that regard.

In Today‘s, April 16th, 2012, Fucked Up News Category.

Illinois Authorities say that a ‘Killer’ Swan is still on the loose and should be considered dangerous. Yeah, you read me right. A killer swan.

No, I am not talking about the movie the “Black Swan” or some asshole dressed in a swan like outfit, I am talking a real, seemingly placid demeanor fucking feathered bird.

Chicago Sun-Times is reporting that investigators for the Cook County sheriff department are investigating the death of a one Anthony Hensley, a 37 year-old father of two, that drown while kayaking in a Des Plains area pond. Hensley, who either got too close to the swan or the swan’s nesting area appears to have been chased and then rolled out of his kayak and into the water. All the while the swan kept up its relentless attack. The swan then continued to pursue Hensley while he tried to swim to shore. Hensley was submerged when emergency responders arrived, and an autopsy found that he died from drowning near the Bay Colony condominiums in unincorporated Des Plaines, Il. Grief-stricken family memebers are still struggling to take it all in. Like most, they can not understand how Hensley was unable to beat off the swan.

The are no immediate details on the whereabouts of the swan that attacked Hensley, or its fate. And should be presumed dangerous Depending upon their size and breed, swans can be quite large with some standing 4 feet tall, weighing about 30 pounds and boasting a wing span of up to 8 feet wide. So approach at your own risk

Also in the fucked up category, looks like porn star Sledge Hammer will hammer no more.

Marland Anderson, who is better known as Sledge Hammer on screen died Friday five days after being tazed by Los Angeles police officers while responding to an apparent suicide attempt.

The girlfriend of [Marland] Anderson told officers Anderson tried to hurt himself with a knife and that she pried it away from him. Anderson then became violent with paramedics and was then handcuffed to a gurney by police for transportation in an ambulance. However, once inside the ambulance, Anderson tried to stand up, but acted with such force that he broke the gurney free from a floor lock and broke the handcuff.

To restrain Anderson, an officer then used a Taser but it failed to stop the agitated actor, and it took several officers to eventually managed to restrain Anderson. He was then taken to a hospital, where he died Friday morning.

Pipa Middleton Stariing in: "From Paris with Love... Actually with Gun"

Opps. At least that is what Pipa Middleton, sister-in-law to the next King of England, is thinking right about now.



The 28 year-old seems to be caught up in a little scandal with pointing a gun at paparazzi. Well, not Pipa, per say, but a (unnamed at the moment) friend and the driver of the Audi she was riding in. But then again we know all about how the French paparazzi are, i.e. Princess Diana.

The driver, however, was supposedly joking when he pointed a 9mm semi auto pistol at a photog, but the thing is I guess this little jester is becoming a bigger deal than any of them thought it would. Turns out that pointing a weapon (real or fake) at someone in France is a punishable offense. Leading up to years behind bars. What the fuck is that about? Lets see. Chase someone to the point of an accident, an accident where the person you are trying to photograph is killed, that’s okay, but no no no when it comes to pointing even a fake gun at somebody. You almost think that OUR Justice Department was making laws there.



The image, released to the London newspaper The Sun by the French photographer at whom the pistol was aimed, shows Middleton looking back at the paparazzo grinning as her friend, the driver, reaches down and then aims the gun. Guess in France laughing as your buddy does something stupid is punishable as well. Because it seems that the Paris Judicial Police department is "poised" to launch a probe into the incident. Charges could result in prison sentences of up to seven years for all four people in the car, or a two-year sentence if the gun turns out to be a fake. Sources close to the Judicial Police state that: "If the evidence points to her involvement, she will be prosecuted. Anybody involved in the illegal use of a handgun in public is liable to arrest and interrogation.”



[Pipa] Middleton is no stranger to the paparazzi. Dubbed “Her Royal Hotness” since the Royal Wedding, even before really, Middleton has been hounded by photogs who catalogue just about every move she makes. And being the party girl that she [Pipa] is, it just gives the paparazzi more the reason to chase her down and with Britons and Americans alike who are obsessed by Middletone, they have plenty sources to ply their trade.

Buckingham and the Royal family have yet to comment on the rare gaffe. Rumors have it that [Pipa] Middleton has been coached on how to behave when it comes to photographers.

The French photographer whom the apparent weapon was pointed at is still weighing in on whether to file a formal police complaint, according to The Sun’s editor for everything royal, Duncan Larcombe, on this mornings (04/16/2012) Good Morning America. Saying that: "We're told he isn't ruling anything out yet."

While this incident might put a stop to [Pipa] Middleton’s partying lifestyle we all know that there won’t e any jail time for any involved.

The Miami Marlins Dropped the Ball

Ah, yes. Once again it appears that one has to take a poll and make sure that they are in consensus with majority of the population before YOU [THEY] can give YOUR [THEIR] opinion.

Case in Point is one again the Ozzie Guillin debacle.

 

I wrote earlier about his little misstep when being interviewed by TIME when he [Guillin] said on how much he loved and respected good old boy and baseball lover, Fidel Castro. Unfortunately for Ozzie [Guillin] is that there is a large portion of Cuba that lives in Miami and lower Florida that are displaced by the man named Castro. However, I don’t think the statement warranted a five game suspension. I don’t think it warranted any truth be told.

Now, I understand that the Florida Marlins have every right to disagree with what Guillen has to say. They even have the right as owners to suspend him because of it. But lets look at the real reason why they did: TICKET SALES. That’s about the long and short of it. The owners of the Marlins were, are, worried about tickets sales dropping because of Guillin’s comments in the press. But I think that they could of really put an end to this problem with a very stern statement saying that: “While everyone has the right to their opinion and have the right to state their opinion it is in the strongest regard that the Marlins association, the team, the management, and all those concerned are in complete disagreement with what Ozzy Guillin was quoted in saying or has to say about anything other than the game of baseball. They are of his beliefs only and do not reflect the opinion of the team or of it’s owners.”

And with that, in MY OPINION, this whole stupid matter would have been swept away like the garbage it is. Now, however, this is going to be debated on everything from local news to world news to the sports world and will rear it’s ugly head at every given chance.

But on a lighter note. You know that the New Orleans Saints are the happiest people in the world right now because this take the focus off of BOUNTY GATE.

Ozzie, Fidel, Obama… Oh My

Ah, the art of the re-tract. Or the: “Oops. My bad.” That seems the place where ex-Chicago White Sox Manager now ex-Florida turned Miami Marlins manger Ozzy Guillin finds himself.

 

Now Guillin is no stranger to sticking his foot in his mouth when people actually understand what the fuck he is saying but this time around Guillin in some opinions has out done himself.

Last week during an interview Ozzy [Guillin] was quoted saying that he, while in the road trips for the team, that he drank to excess, while this statement caused a minor uproar with some (not me, however), but that paled in the face of his other comments about how he loved Fidel Castro and that he respected the aging dictator because over the past 60 years many people have tried to kill the man and that he is still there.

Okay, whatever. Ah, but here is the thing. Last time I checked the Miami area has a rather, shall we say, large Cuban population. A population that in fact are former refugees from the Island of Cuba. And a population that don’t think kindly of Fidel.

So, here we have once again the age old problem when it comes to FREEDOM OF SPEECH. Now I am ALL FOR the First Amendment of the Constitution of The United States and when you ask people a majority of them are as well. That is unless it (what is being said) is about something that they don’t agree with. Then people seem to have a REAL problem with it. Case in point: The Ozzy quote.

Now Ozzy [Guillin] finds himself (once again) in the middle of a shit storm of his own creation. A shit storm calling, not only for his head, but his resignation. Guillin has, however, apologized for his comments yesterday [04-09-12] and will in fact now fly back to Miami to do so in person today [04-10-12] at a 10:30 local time news conference. Stating that: "Anybody who wants to be there, feel free," Guillin said. "I don't want to make a statement because I think when you make a statement it's a bunch of crap. I want people to look at my eyes and look at my face and see what's going on, tell what the deal was, and that's it. I feel very guilty about it and very bad and sad and very embarrassed." I guess we'll see if Guillin will have the same staying power with the Marlins as Fidel has had with staying in power on Cuba.


ESPN will televise the proceedings. Hope they have subtitles.

In further Fidel news.



Turns out the 85 year old Dic -as in dictator- finds it rather amusing that President Obama will be wearing tropical shirts called a guayabera while he attends the “Organization of American States” summit in Colombia.. Even though the particular shirts Obama (and other leaders) will be attired are designed by a Colombian designer, Edgar Gomez, Fidel says the light weight shirts are distinctly Cuban inspired. The shirts, however, are worn in Mexico, the Caribbean, northern South America and the Philippines. All of which claim to be the birthplace of the guayabera as does Cuba.



Lets just hope that when Ozzy Guillin shows up for his Obamaesque apologetic news conference he [Guillin] isn’t wearing a guayabera.

Relationship Made in the Realms of Douche Baggery

If you haven’t heard, or cared, looks like reality star (and I say that as loosely as her… lol… well, you get the point) Kim Kardashian is once again in love and has a new bo in the likes of the king of all douche bags, Kanye West.

Reports say the douche-y couple were seen seeing the “Hunger Games” movie in The Big Apple and enjoying a quiet dinner together at Kim’s favorite eatery, Serafina.

As for poor Kris Humphries it seems that he doesn’t care who his soon to be ex is dating. Taking the same road NFL running back, Reggie Bush, and is trying to stay as far from her [Kim] as humanly possible. Stating when asked about what he thought of the newest douche-y power couple dating that he was completely indifferent and unfazed by who Kim was dating. Concentrating on his divorce being finalized. But that didn’t stop Kayne from being a douche and sending out a jab at the soon to be ex Mr. Kardashian, saying that he could call his pal, Jay-z and have him kicked off the Nets. Unfortunately for Kanye (he should probably check into whether his friend has that kind of clout) Jay-z has no say in any of the personal or the Nets’ roster. But hell, when did that ever stop Kanye from speaking out of his ass. The guy has made a career out it.

As for Kim, she has bigger problems on whether he ex cares or what new bo says, since she [Kim] has found herself directly in the crosshairs of PETA after her little run in with the group and the happy person that decided to douse her [Kim] with flower for her love of fur.

 

Maybe we’ll get lucky, since her [Kim] and Kayne both love to wear fur, that the two will get carpet bombed with something good.

Former Nickelodeon Actress, Amanda Bynes, Jailed

Do we have another celeb. on course to train wreck ville?



I don’t know but I sure hope. The pool of celebrity goof-balls is growing a tad thin lately with old favorites either dying off (Whiney. Amy Whinehouse) or getting on the wagon (Brit). But we have a new person to add to the ranks of possible’s.

Former Nickelodeon actress, Amanda Bynes seems to be moving up the ranks from Triple A into realm of professional partier. GossipCop (who broke the story),TMZ and E News reports that the 26 year old actress has been arrested for DUI after she apparently side swiped a squad that she was trying to pass. And when stopped, the officers deemed her unfit to drive and slapped on the metal bracelets around 3 a.m. local (LA) time. As of the moment Bynes is still behind bars with a $5000 set bail.

Lately Bynes has been seen making the rounds of the party scene, hitting several nightclubs a week, (although I’m trying to see how that is different from any other twenty something, I was even known to hit clubs and bars and dives nightly throughout my twenties, and, possibly my thirties. However, this isn’t about me… lol.) and last St. Patrick’s Day TMZ cameras caught Bynes leaving a party at Greystone Manor and that she appeared to be way past the point of no return on the inebriated scale. And a week before that Bynes allegedly took off on a cop that was writing her a ticket for talking on her cell phone to only later to end up at the station to sign it.

I guess with the way she has been of late this latest situation Amanda Bynes now finds herself in is a fitting birthday gift, as she turned 26 this past April 3^rd.

Keep up the good times, Amanda. We have high hopes for ya.

DATELINE: CHARLES MANSON

Wednesday, April 11^th, 2012, will more than likely be Charles Manson’s finale parole hearing. Does this mean that I think that he a chance of actually getting released from the California Department of Corrections? A place where he has spent most of his life? No. Not a chance. Bu the reason why I think that this will be Charlie’s last stand (actually, Manson hasn’t attended an actual parole board in person since 1997 stating that he was a "prisoner of the political system.") is that California has passed a law where they can extend the hearings to up to 15 years. And now that Manson is at the ripe old age of 77 I think if they do that, well, it will be the last time for a hearing on the merits for his release. That’s not saying that he would actually live the allotted amount of time that has already been the standard for hearings. Like I said, he is 77 and how much time does anyone really think that he has left? The ironic thing when it comes to How long Manson has had to live is that if he was actually put in population with the other inmates that more than likely would of met the same fate as Jeffery Dahmner and had been killed by A) just for someone to make name for themselves’, or B) by the large black population that makes up the corrections faculties of the state of California because in the end Charles Manson wanted to cause a race war to end all race wars: Helter Skelter.

 

Manson was sentenced to death in 1972 after his convictions for the murders of actress Sharon Tate, Jay Sebring, 35; Voytek Frykowski, 32; Abigail Folger, 25, the coffee heiress to Folgers; and Steven Parent, 18, along with the LaBianca’sin 1969, but that conviction was overturned in 1977 when the state of California reversed it’s stance and abolished the death penalty. Instead given life with the possibility of parole. Manson was also convicted for the murders of former stuntman Donald “Shorty” Shea and Gary Hinman but with less fan fair since the Tate and LaBianca murders were the main headlines.



Since then Manson has made headlines with his outrageous antics behind bars by carving a swastika in his forehead, and going on wild rants to anyone that would interview him. In 1988, sensationalist journalist, Geraldo Rivera interviewed Manson, where the two spent most of the time arguing, Geraldo berating him [Manson] as evil while Manson bounced around the room acting as crazed as he looked, all under the watchful eyes of heavily armed guards. Oliver Stone depicts this interview and Geraldo himself in his Pop Culture Satire “Natural Born Killers” where Woody Harrison and Robert Downy Jr. portray the two men. Mason also has taken up the Global Warming cause. In 2011, after a twenty year silence from the crazed cult leader, conducted an interview about how we were “doing bad things when it came to the environment”. Strangely enough the interview coincided with the 40^th anniversary of his capture. In retrospect, Charles Manson is a shell of his former self. The once wild eyed mad man who convinced his “family” of followers to commit murder, and acted out in court and for the television camera as he proclaimed that he was the Devil himself now looks like a shaggy haired homeless man that you can see on the streets on most major cities begging for change while drinking cheap wine from a paper bag, babbling the same incoherent thoughts about how they can beam their thought into the minds of their followers.

 

Got Demon? Click Here... And Fuck Constantine and Call These Babes Instead

The thought that comes to mind when I think about exorcism is a creepy looking, head spinning, Linda Blair locked in her bedroom; Two Priests towering over her yelling the: “The Power of Christ Compels you! The Power of Christ Compels you!…” as Linda spews Pea Soup at them. The 1973 movie “The Exorcist” was supposedly based on a true story that took place in the 1940’s. Also what comes to mind when I talk about movies of that ilk is Eli Roth’s “The Last Exorcism” where disillusioned evangelical minister, Cotton Marcus (Patrick Fabian), agrees to let a documentary film crew follow him as he performs an exorcism, because, frankly, they are fake. Meaning he is a fake and a fraud. The reason Marcus does this is because he learned of a story where a person who was being exorcized was killed during it (true case by the way). That in fact, many of the people who are thought to be possessed are in fact mentally disturbed, and Marcus wants to bring light to this growing phenomena and the dangers in can pose. But unlike “The Exorcist”, “The Last Exorcism” isn’t suppose to be based on anything. Or is it?





Insert a man named Bob Larson and his spirited band of teenage exorcists. Yeah, you read it right.



Now, Bob is the head of the Spiritual Freedom Church who have “churches” in several states and in 6 other countries, and a lot of what this “church” is about and deals with is exorcism. Right up to the point of actually opening a school to teach people to be, well, exorcists. Bob believes in the fact that at least half the world’s population is in deed possessed by demons (Isn‘t that what those crazy ass Scientology dudes say? Oh, wait. Those are Aliens). One of which would be the recent Jet Blue Pilot taken into custody because of his melt down. Bob is quoted on his OFFICIAL BLOG on the “church’s” website with the BLOG entitled: “YES EVEN CHRISTIANS CAN BE POSSESSED”



“…how demons manipulate even Christians. First, Jet Blue pilot Clayton Osbon had to be violently subdued after he went berserk and ran up and down the aisle of his airplane scream profanities about terrorists, Jesus Christ, and how the plane was going to crash. It was later revealed by those who knew him that he was a devout Christian.”

Now, here is the thing that we should take note of: whacko’s and confused people believe that they are or their loved one is possessed by a demon, in other words they are THE NOT SO CRAZY ONES. The fuckers you really have to worry about is when they say that they are possessed by the Devil himself. Those people fall into two groups: FUCKING INSANE and totally full of shit. Unlike the ones possessed by demons who are usually of sound mind, they‘re just fools. This fact is how people like Bob get around the idea that they are either complete nuts or just out for your cash. Oh, didn’t I tell you? Oh, yeah they charge. So if you are looking to have Bob’s version of “The Charlie’s Angels” sans Charlie come save your ass it’ll coast you. They also have a store just in case you are looking for that special gift for the person who just has everything. I bet you that motherfucker doesn’t have any Bob Larson swag!



A little background search on the man doing Jesus’ work and eliminating those pesky bastards of fire and brimstone tells me that good-old-boy Bob is the world’s foremost expert on cults, the occult, and supernatural phenomena. He has spoken in more than 100 countries and has appeared on TV shows such as Oprah, Donahue, Montel, Sally Jessie… yada yada yada. Yes he’s been on anything that is willing to put his face on the boob-tube. He got his foothold back in the “Satanic Panic” days of the 80’s where, like McCarthy saw commies behind every lamp post in the 50’s, Bob saw Satan and Satanists behind every Heavy Metal album cover. Bob has also had the privilege of writing a slew of books (31) that includes a 500-page handbook, “Larson’s Book of Spiritual Warfare” which is an encyclopedic reference about demons, the devil, and deliverance and represents a lifetime of research and experience. His latest book is entitled “Demon Proofing Prayers“. Bob has also been part radio for 20 years (TALK BACK) and delved into the reality TV market (Of course. Who isn’t nowadays) starring, of course him, with UK’s Virgin Media and Pilgrim Films. “The Real Exorcist” features two dramatic exorcism episodes per each one-hour show. It premiered in the U.S. on the Sci-Fi Channel in Fall 2008 and has since aired internationally.

However, here we now insert the graduates of Bob Larson’s school of exorcism (three of which are his daughters), Bob has new plans and a new venture in that market. But even though he doesn’t at the moment have a TV deal, yet ,for his little band of brainwashed babes never fear, Bob is not only working on that but has been taking the grads on trips to take on the Devil and his liege. For about 5 Ben Franklin’s a pop. That’s per demon by the way. Yeah that’s right, it ain’t cheap to beat the Dev.



At a time when most girls her age are goo-goo for “Twilight”, 17 year old Savannah is the leader of her band of demon slaying sister babes (Yes the group are all actually Bob‘s Daughters. Talk about a cool family business… lol). The Daughter of Bob thinks (and this might be hard for you Twihards to hear): “The Twilight films are instigators of evil," Savannah said in a recent interview with Fabulous magazine. "I'm much too busy fighting the devil." (Oh, that means you Harry Potter fans as well.) Daughter 2, Tess, 17, claims that her first fight for the soul was of a friend of hers. Saying that she could see it in her eyes. I guess one of the tell-tale signs that you might be possessed is eyes that dilate sporadically. (The thought that she (the friend) might actually be high probably never crossed her mind) Daughter 3, Brynne, 20, says that she has been involved since the ripe old age of 13. (Soccer? The only thing I want to kick around the field is the Devil’s head!)

These three Girlies have all makings for network TV: They’re are attractive. And with the ever growing popularity of supernatural shows invading real networks like the “Circle”, “Ghost Adventures”, “Vampire Diaries” and the like, be assured they’ll be joined by Bob and his angels fighting, not only for airtime, but the Devil and his crew on a television near you. So look out Snookie, they might be out to save… YOU!